I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
