If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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