pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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