I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
