she woke up with a sticky ear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
