umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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