Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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