just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
