How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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