oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize