new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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