I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
