I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You did what with his pubic hair?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
