Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
