WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
