a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
