Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
