there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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