I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
