my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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