I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
