my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
