I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
