He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
