I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
