life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sober January is a disaster.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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