We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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