It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
