You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
