Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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