So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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