Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't deserve a penis
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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