she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
