Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
