it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
