we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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