Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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