Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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