Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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