I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
