I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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