Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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