we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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