god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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