So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
