the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
