I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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