dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
