So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
