Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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