Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my poor anus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
