Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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