the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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