May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
