Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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