i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
