i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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