When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
