we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
