Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
