Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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