I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
