Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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