i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i will never coherently bang her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
