He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
